Short summary of "my" journey starting with Divine Source to No Self

S: "I do not know if what you have encountered was the same thing as i did, however i did encounter what seemed to be the source of all life that is a part of all of us & everything we know & was able to return to a very familiar, comforting place that felt as if i had been there many times maybe before birth & after many pervious lifetimes. "

Yes, I'd say I think I did encounter the same thing you did as you describe it. That happened the first (and every) time I did ayahuasca. It also included the ability to see everything in the universe from all times all at once, a sense of knowing everything & nothing in particular, like a meta-knowing, and infinite love. 

But every time I went there, I immediately knew I needed to come back, because in some way, my work was not done here. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I figured it meant at least that I needed to help others get to this same place. The problem was that my problems in life did not magically disappear (namely, the feeling of disconnection, loneliness, neediness, desires for x y z), and so I didn't see how I could promote to people what I had seen while I was still suffering just like everyone else at this level (well, almost like everyone else, because now at least I knew that there was a divine reality behind it all, so in that sense my earthly suffering was less important, but then I had the new suffering of trying to get the divine reality to return to me, preferably without needing ayahuasca). 

I decided that meditation must be the method for attaining the divine reality permanently, so I looked for a good book on meditation. Miraculously, someone suggested to me a really good book which I still believe is one of the best: Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond, by Ajahn Brahm. The only problem was that the Buddhist nibbana (nirvana) didn't sound quite like what the ayahuasca divine reality was... it was more about no self, which I didn't quite understand, because my only experience of no self was in the stage just prior to the divine reality stage... it wasn't a lovely experience, just kind of ok/no judgement. So I struggled for quite a while with this concept of No Self and I felt that I had the ability even to choose whether I wanted to have a self or not. Soh Wei Yu helped me understand that it isn't about losing the self... it is about realizing that there never was a self to begin with. That self is a logical impossibility. 

Reading the dialogs over at www.LiberationUnleashed.com also helped me understand this. (I highly recommend doing the dialog there if you haven't yet.)

There are many arguments but one simple one is the notion of free will. In order for identity to make sense, there must be free will. If it is all automatic, then there is no reason that any one part of reality should be considered "me, mine." From reading Sam Harris, I realized that, indeed, no decision can ever be made except based upon conditions, logically. It is not sensical for somebody to be outside of reality and thus able to act upon reality without any conditions/reasons for doing so. 

Focusing on this insight, and the physical laws that all atoms in the known universe adhere to, including those in "my" body, I was able to meditate into the state of No Mind/No Self that I had never before imagined was possible. In this state, everything was self-aware, but there was no awareness awaring it all, no background observing it, no center of reference, no me, no mine... and all was happening perfectly automatically, automatically perfectly. This was somewhat similar to the initial no self experience that I had prior to the divine reality stage in every ayahuasca trip, but the difference was that there was no longer the underlying desire for something "more" than the automatic perfection, and as a result, it was finally seen as the perfection that it is, rather than as a stage to get past.

To the dualistic, identifying mind, it sounds like a prison--the idea that there is no free will. But from the perspective of No Self, it is the ultimate freedom. And unlike the ayahuasca divine source experience, it did not require me to give up an earthly identity or stop helping people in this earth plane, because No Self is not just a higher dimension to attain that makes no sense here. It is what is happening right now, always has been, and is the only thing that makes logical sense. So instead of splitting the mind further between logic and experience, instead of expanding identity to encompass the universe, it collapses the split and the identity all at once. 

The task is simply to remain mindful at all times that everything is actually happening by itself, without anyone here doing anything, while emanating great compassion for those who are still asleep in the illogical dream of identity. When one practices this enough, it is felt to be more and more automatic and profound. Meditation on the breath as instructed by Ajahn Brahm is also helpful, as it expands the capacity for mindfulness. 

An alternative to thinking in terms of automaticity is simply paying attention to the sense streams. As explained in the Bahiya sutta, simply notice that in seeing, there is nobody seeing, just the seen. In cognizing, there is only the cognized, nobody there cognizing, etc.

To detach or engage? What is true love?

Question: "I do get the release of ego and "I" part...where I have difficulties is the detachment.  If we are not meant to be engaged, why did we choose these flesh bags? "

Answer: Ok so you are conflating detachment with non-engagement perhaps. Detachment happens automatically when you see the truth: everything happens due to conditions, therefore it's not you doing anything, there's nobody here to be attached to, nor anyone to attach to anyone... ya know? But even the concept of detachment is a tricky one, because it conjures up the notion that there is someone detaching from something (like a dissociative disorder). Perhaps better is "primordial unattachment," but nobody is going to remember to say all that. 

As for engagement, it is always the case. Everything is always engaged. I think in Buddhism this is called total exertion. Everything is operating at 100% of its ability. The only reason we can't see that is because of identity clouding the view. 

One very divisive idea is love. Many people think that love is something mundane. They think a mother has unconditional love for her children. But that is obviously false, because the mother only has so-called love for her children *because* (she thinks) they are her children. That is completely conditional. At any time she might decide to "disown" them and then consider they are not her children. This happens all the time, especially in my culture (ashkenazi jewish--my grandmother disowned our whole side of the family because i was uncircumcised). Or in the case of a father (or even mother) who somehow finds out via DNA evidence that the child was not theirs. Either due to cheating or maybe switched in the hospital. Now it is a choice: Do I consider the child mine still? Do I still give it my "unconditional" love?

And even this very love itself, what is it? Wishing that someone be happy? But how can we wish for someone to be happy if we do not understand what true happiness is? Buddha's view on happiness is almost diametrically opposed to the common view. Happiness which does not come from letting go of identity is not real happiness. It is the trickster's version of happiness because it keeps you begging for more. 

True love arises from true detachment, ironically. Only with true detachment can we realize true happiness, and only then can we have true compassion for others, helping them to realize the great infinite happiness of no self. If all we know is false happiness, then our so-called love will only lead others to suffer more. For example we may know heroin as the ultimate happiness and so we give our partner some heroin. A friend of mine's mother gave her Xanax when she was a kid because she thought Xanax was the ultimate happiness, and of course now she suffers from anxiety. Or we can give affection, thinking that is the ultimate happiness. Of course, affection is very important for humans, especially little humans, but at some point it becomes just another desire to overcome. 

As Thusness (from the blog Awakening to Reality) says, "Your letting go must be more thorough than any nihilist. Your presence must be more thorough than any realist."

Now, as for your question of "why did we choose these flesh bags?" Once again, that is assuming 2 things: there is a "we" who chose, and second, that there is such a thing as agency/choice. Everything happens automatically due to conditions, logically, and so whatever "choice" there may have been was the same kind of choice a computer has in executing one piece of code vs another. Just a bunch of if-then statements. But there was a set of conditions that led to this mindstream's "birth" in this flesh bag--and basically it was due to habitual ignorance giving rise to identification with appearances.

When you have a dream, do you choose to identify as a dream character? No, not really, although in a sense yes, because you could have done a lot of meditation beforehand or taken galantamine or something to help you have a lucid dream and break out of identifying with any character in the dream. 

Can Psychedelics like ayahuasca help us wake up to the truth?

Namaste friends!

As you may know from my first post on this blog, psychedelics and especially ayahuasca were the thing that broke my mind wide open and eventually led me to find Buddhism (dependent origination) in my search for answers.

And yet, from what I have found in talking to hundreds of people online who have tried ayahuasca and other psychedelics, it seems that most often the result of this is what happened to me for a few years: vastly inflated ego and delusional thinking.

This is also possible with many spiritual paths, of course. Any path which does not teach NO SELF via dependent origination, is liable to get people into "I AM" or "One [Universal] Mind" stages as listed here and clarified here. From there, most people seem to get stuck, because such a state is incredibly sublime and it is hard to imagine that there is any imperfection in it, even tho to outsiders it sounds ridiculous as people like Sai Baba claim to be God, claim to grow their infinite power each day and so forth. Would God listen to a human being (like Buddha) who tells him that he is actually delusional and in reality he is nobody?

Thus, if you are thinking of breaking open your mind with psychedelics, I ask you to please save yourself a great deal of suffering and delusional thinking and not do so unless a) you already have developed right view of No Self/automatic perfection, and b) you do not have manic/bipolar tendencies in your family.

I do think that psychedelics can be useful catalysts to removing all doubt about the Buddha Dharma, but only once Right View is firmly established (please do the dialog at LiberationUnleashed.com for an introduction to this No Self understanding). And even then, I don't think they are necessary, because with intense effort and desire, one can achieve the state of No Self/No Mind and even cosmic consciousness (which is separate and almost unrelated), just from following the meditation instructions I've posted.



Perhaps the main problem with psychedelics, and even cosmic consciousness states, is that the mind states are so far away from our everyday experience that it makes liberation seem something very difficult to achieve permanently. That is why Buddha tried to show people how to stop suffering right here, right now, in the midst of ordinary everyday life and perception. His advice to Bahiya is exemplary of that.

In fact, it makes sense that psychedelic states would not be conducive to understanding the dependently originated nature of reality, because to do so requires logically examining direct, ordinary experience and the causes & conditions associated with it.

Cosmic Consciousness in 2-3 hours? Awakening to no-self automatic perfection.

Namaste friends!

First, definition of terms: cosmic consciousness is the awareness of the entire universe all at once. However, I have found that there are different levels of identification in this state. The goal is to have no identity whatsoever, since as we will discuss, it is illusory. However, due to habits of mind, some traces of identity may seep into this state and disrupt the perfection. Be mindful of that, because with each insight comes the possibility for stagnation due to the incredible apparent level of truth it brings, as explained here.

Now, before you can try to have the experience:

First, you must have a solid intellectual grasp of the nature of reality. You must understand that free will is a delusion. Why is it? Because everything happens perfectly according to natural laws, automatically. Nowhere can science nor logic find a place for autonomous agents which are able to act outside of the laws of physics, chemistry, biology, and so forth. Even if there is some metaphysical universe, it too would operate on laws. Without laws there is only chaos. Try to simply define what free will means--you will see that you can't define it in a way that makes sense.

So this human brain has evolved to imagine that it is somehow separate from reality and in control of reality to some extent, but just enough to frustrate itself almost constantly due to things not being as they "should" be.

In fact, of course, everything is always functioning perfectly according to natural laws. Just from this small perspective it seems otherwise. So the task is to be mindful of the automatically perfect nature of reality and let go of the habit of thinking in terms of "I", "me", "mine." These concepts are created by the brain/mind and do not exist outside of that context.

A good mantra is: "Perfectly automatic, automatically perfect." Repeat that in "your" head all day long and deeply penetrate it.

Now, if you continue to do that, you will eventually disappear entirely from the universe. Actually, that's not true, because you never were here to begin with except, again, as a concept. But this sensation of "you"ness will be gone. Just universe left. It may take time, but it happens automatically just like everything else. Do not worry about it. Just keep mindful of the nature of reality.

If you are not perfectly clear now that there is nobody here in this automatic display, STOP reading at this point and ask for free help from those who have wisdom over at LiberationUnleashed.com

Before I go on about the cosmic consciousness trick, let me give you this caveat: One problem with psychedelics and even cosmic consciousness is that the states produced are so far away from our everyday experience that it makes liberation seem something very difficult to achieve permanently. That is why Buddha tried to show people how to stop suffering right here, right now, in the midst of ordinary everyday life and perception. His advice to Bahiya is exemplary of that.

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And now here's the trick to blast into cosmic consciousness:

The mind's habits are particularly easy to break in a dream state or inbetween waking and dreaming.

So, wake up around 3am (assuming you normally wake at 6am or 7am) and sit up comfortably while you meditate on your breath for a few hours. Just notice the automatic nature of the breath as it goes in the nose, thru the body, and then out the body and thru the nose. As thoughts arise, just come back to the breath, noticing that thoughts arose automatically also. Noticing that noticing happened automatically also.

After about 2 hours of this practice, you should feel completely serene. At peace. You will also be very tired probably. So now lay down and go to sleep with the intention of entering into a lucid dream to continue contemplation of the automatic nature of reality.

Now chances are extremely good that you will enter a lucid dream due to the meditative mind-state you were in at the time of going to sleep.

Once you are in the dream and realize you are dreaming, again focus on the automatic nature of reality. Try to see how every particle "in you" functions according to the same laws as everything "outside you." You should start to notice the border between "inside you" and "outside you" becoming impossible to distinguish.

Another approach is to follow Buddha's advice to the wanderer Bahiya, in which he said, basically, "Try to see direct experience: in the seen, there is no seer seeing, only the seen. When only the seen is seen, that is the end of stress." In other words, we are getting rid of "experience of reality" in favor of reality itself.

At this point the whole dream explodes into cosmic consciousness when there is no separation between you and the universe. It can be so massively blissful and awesome that you wake up fairly quickly. But if you keep practicing, you should become more used to it over time.

The worst mistake tho, is to start prancing around like me and saying "Ooh, look at how special I am, I have achieved cosmic consciousness! I'm a true yogi! Bow down to me! haha!"

So don't do that. You're nobody, and certainly nobody special. Just automatic like everything else. Remember that. :)

love,
nobody

P.S. If you are interested in the Buddha dharma and you liked the linked blog entry on "Seven stages of awakening" by Thusness, then I suggest you join the facebook group Dharma Connection so you can talk to folks who are awakened to no-self. Obviously on any group there will be a bunch of nonsense, but this group does have some very worthwhile posters. The group's worthwhile posts are archived on this blog: http://dharmaconnectiongroup.blogspot.com/