I'm pretty confused and lost a lot of the time. I don't think they have hurt me, however.
They have led you to some confused thinking about reality, I can see that, but luckily you aren't in so deep that you are unable to reconsider.
When I was younger half the trips I had were bad and all were meaningless.
That actually is better than having good trips, because with bad trips you don't think that you have the truth, at least, usually.
Now everything has changed it seems, When I "journey" the one thing that comes up strongly always is love!!!, love myself, love everyone, love more. the two things that seem to work for me are the fungus and the aya and both do this and very feel right and good and healing. Some days in ordinary reality I feel like I'm a long long way from home, very lonely for my tribe, somewhere like in the middle of the sixties with Ken Kesey and the Merry Band of Tricksters or just with a group of incredibly beautiful people and deeply loved. Like at the Sat Nam Fest I went to a few years ago... I should probably find a place like that to go. You know what I mean. I just want more love in my life from people I adore, enlightened, awake, loving, creative souls...
Yes, this powerful love is an aspect of what I call luminosity. Luminosity to me is like "truth-value" to the mind. We have to be very careful when confronted with luminosity; we have to examine it deeply and check for any logical inconsistencies. What better way to get someone to believe a bunch of garbage than to flood them with love? That's a cult tactic, and also a common feature of psychedelic experiences and other mystical experiences.
True love is not the love that pulls you in, but rather the natural consequence of finding the automatic perfection. In other words, we can have all kinds of lovely experiences with infinite love, and still be none the wiser, no closer to liberation at all, because we still do not understand the logical source of true love, which is no self. No self & right view leads to complete happiness and the ability to help others reach that happiness as well. Helping others to reach true happiness thru wisdom is what true love IS. Love is not just a warm fuzzy feeling. That's the illusion of love.
It sometimes happens (like for the Catholic nun Bernadette Roberts) that this mystical love-fest ends up in no-self, but that is extremely rare, and even in her case, she still does not understand no-self as a seal, rather as a state, and so she is still not really free of delusions.
So LiberationUnleashed and I do not stress love as important (tho I used to), because love can mean anything to anyone, and following love around almost inevitably leads to more confusion and suffering, even if it may seem to be healing. After all, who is it that needs to be loved? YOU, right? Without you, there's no more loneliness, no more need for love to smooth over the suffering of identity. Then, rather than wanting love to come to us, reality itself oozes love outward in the form of wisdom.
What did Buddha say about love? He emphasized that we should be compassionate to all beings, wishing them the greatest happiness and freedom. But he also made it clear that such wishing, such compassion, does not itself lead to liberation. It is helpful to free our minds from anger and such, which then allows us to let go of identity, but just focusing on compassion without seeing thru identity via dependent origination is not liberatory.
Studying the Buddhist cannon helps us to see how the Buddha lived his life as the emissary of truth & wisdom. He did not go around hugging people and telling them how lovely they are. He taught them that they will suffer forever until they conquer self-view.
It took me a lot of struggle to overcome the pull of the infinite love of the "divine source" that I found via ayahuasca. But once I decided that such an illogical divine source and its love was not enough to satisfy me, realizing the truth of dependent origination, "I" was blessed to go beyond the divine source, to No Mind, in which all appearances are perfectly self-known without any witness consciousness. This has removed all doubt for me in Buddha's teachings, which to begin with do not require blind faith as other teachings do.
When I was younger I could have killed my self with drugs several times I think and they were "drugs" (not plant medicine) prescribed by western doctors, alcohol...etc... really nasty stuff... I spent my younger years feeling really miserable for the most part. I still feel very lonely a significant amount of the time...
Feeling lonely is perfect. Sit with that and find the root of that and you'll be free of this ridiculous mind that thinks it is separate.
Recently, however I've been making new friends and it's really great, you, Scott, my friend Jim who would like to connect with you, I have him a copy of the book and he's shared books with me. But I don't go out into the world much or have a huge amount of people I connect deeply with or feel akin to. The solution might be as simple as getting off my ass and going out once in a while or finding the answers though your help and LU but it's feeling worse before it, hopefully, feels better. I mean right now I'm feeling like, well, no God, no future, no me, no nothing, WTF? If you know what I mean. It still is a path I'm going down to be sure.
As long as you can see the logic in dependent origination, you are basically on the path to salvation. All that remains is to remove residual doubt and habits of identification.
I'm grateful to be on a healing path or growth.
Nothing needs healing or growth. As Ajahn Chah said, "With enlightenment, nothing is gained. On the contrary, all is lost." I know that may sound like an unhappy path, but on the contrary, losing everything is the ultimate happiness.
Curious though, why me and most are home watching football, drinking beer and getting vaccinated?
Because it is extremely rare for beings to see thru the luminosity, or perception of truth-value, in illusory appearances. Logic is not as enticing as luminosity. Letting go and losing everything is not as enticing as clinging and getting things you want. Count your infinite blessings. You must have been suffering from beginning-less time like all other beings, I imagine, so it's about damn time you got free!
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